Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize