I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
