I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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