they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
