so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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