i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
