i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
