my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's blow job season.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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