when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
