I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
