You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
