just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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