Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I need moral support for this bender
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
