Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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