just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you never un-have a 4some
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
