Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
