Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
