If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
