the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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