Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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