I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
