So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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