Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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