you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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