I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
