Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
