I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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