is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
