I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
