I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
