My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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