So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
