theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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