If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
