Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
