i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
