Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
