just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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