i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
