I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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