I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
