Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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