I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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