Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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