i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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