Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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