am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
