If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
