First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
