omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
