Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
