so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
where does the pee come out of this thing
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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