didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
