Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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