How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
