so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
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so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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