this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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