and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
