I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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