I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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