She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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