Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
