it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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