he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
