I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
