we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
