i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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