i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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