We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
God, I missed his penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
