Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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