I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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