Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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