new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
