I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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