My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
