i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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