Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
