I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
