he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
