you traded sex for a burrito?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
there is puke in my bra ... again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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