Well douche your snatch and let's go!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
