bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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