someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
