So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
