How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he fucked my hip out of place.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
