so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
