My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
