I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
