soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
