He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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