THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
even my farts smell like vagina
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
