I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
