So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my shit smells like andre
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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