How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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